Church Football

Posted: December 6, 2010 in Uncategorized

In my new home state of Nebraska I’ve periodically teased people about Husker Football being the state religion.  As I was reading through old humor emails I ran across this little gem:

Benchwarmer – Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit.

Quarterback Sneak – Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.

Draw Play – What many children do with the bulletin during worship.

Halftime – The period between Sunday 5chool and worship when many choose to leave

Backfield-in-Motion – Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) repeatedly during the service.

Staying in the Pocket – What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord’s work.

Instant Replay – The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week’s illustrations.

Trap – You’re called on to pray and are asleep.

End Run – Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.

Flex Defense – The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.

Blitz – The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.

Two-minute Warning – The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.

Halfback Option – The decision of 75% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.

Sudden Death – What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes “overtime”.

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