In my new home state of Nebraska I’ve periodically teased people about Husker Football being the state religion. As I was reading through old humor emails I ran across this little gem:
Benchwarmer – Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit.
Quarterback Sneak – Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.
Draw Play – What many children do with the bulletin during worship.
Halftime – The period between Sunday 5chool and worship when many choose to leave
Backfield-in-Motion – Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) repeatedly during the service.
Staying in the Pocket – What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord’s work.
Instant Replay – The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week’s illustrations.
Trap – You’re called on to pray and are asleep.
End Run – Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.
Flex Defense – The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.
Blitz – The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.
Two-minute Warning – The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.
Halfback Option – The decision of 75% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.
Sudden Death – What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes “overtime”.