Archive for January, 2010

Out the Window

Posted: January 31, 2010 in Uncategorized

“Was I asleep?  Did I miss the memo?  When did the whole world throw rational thought out the window?”

Charles Epps in Numb3rs

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I Don’t Understand

Posted: January 29, 2010 in Life, Politics

I don’t understand how people who claim to believe in racial equality can support an organization who’s founder was an active racist, an organization which is based and built upon the idea of Eugenics, and to this day targets non-white populations for its “services.”

I just don’t understand.

Class Clown

Posted: January 27, 2010 in Education, Life

Getting ready to pass out this semester’s History final, two of my most talkative females students are continuing in their conversation.

Me: Ladies, would you like to forfeit this exam and take a zero?

[Both girls stop talking and shake their heads in the negative.]

Male Student: [Innocent expression on his face] Wait, we can do that?

I tried to keep a straight face, but I lost it.  I have some very funny students.

Church Signs

Posted: January 27, 2010 in Life

I like it when Churches get creative with their signage.  Then again, I love (absolutely enjoy) a good bad pun (drives my wife bonkers). Here some some interesting ones.

  • “There are some questions that can’t be answered by Google.”
  • “Staying in bed shouting, ‘Oh God!’ does not constitute going to church.”
  • “Read the Bible.  It will scare the Hell out of you.”
  • “Wal-Mart is not the only saving place.”
  • “Free coffee. Everlasting life.  Yes, membership has its privileges.”
  • “Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.”
  • “Prayer – Wireless access to God with no roaming fee.”
  • “Forgive your enemies – it messes with their heads.”
  • “God does not believe in atheists, therefore atheists do not exist.”
  • “Dont’ be so open-minded your brains fall out.”
  • “If you think it’s hot here, imagine Hell.”
  • “Salvation Guarantee – Or your sins cheerfully refunded.”
  • “God’s last name isn’t ‘Damn.'”
  • “Do not criticize your wife’s judgment – see whom she married.”
  • “I hate this church – Satan.”
  • “God help me to be the person my dog thinks I am.”
  • “Stop, drop and roll won’t work in Hell.”
  • “Santa Claus never died for anyone.”
  • “Read the Bible.  It’s user friendly.  Plus we offer tech support every Sunday at 10:30.”
  • “Why pay for GPS.  Jesus gives direction for free.”
  • “Jesus shows no favoritism, but our sign guy does.  Go Cubs!”

This last one just confused me:

  • “Midnight Mass and Toga Party.  BYOBJ (Bring Your Own Baby Jesus)

Hark!

Posted: January 27, 2010 in Faith

At 5:34 this morning I hear coming from Abbie and Maggie’s room the sound of Abbie singing “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.”

A few minutes later it was “Great is Thy Faithfulness.”

In My Dreams

Posted: January 26, 2010 in Family

The following exchange took place in my classroom after school.  The janitors had just finished vacuuming my room and the noise of the vacuum could be heard coming through the door.  Maggie & Abbie were doing their homework (or were supposed to be).

Abbie: I wish there was no such thing as noise.

Maggie: I wish there was no such thing as homework.

Abbie: Well I wish there was no such thing as homework too.

Me: I wish there was no such thing as complaining.

Abbie: Yea, but that will never happen.

Maggie:  It could… in his dreams.

I had to laugh

Hike!

Posted: January 24, 2010 in Family

We don’t have cable or satellite tv, so I haven’t seen a football game in who knows how long.  Nevertheless, today I walked into the living room to see John bent over, “hiking” his sippy cup through his legs.

There must be something genetic.